Bittersweet Symphony
by TigerTiger02
Summary: ten drabbles that span the length of ten songs. Focuses on Dean. "Come on baby in our Dream, we can live our misbehavior."


Title: Bittersweet Symphony

Author: TigerTiger02

Spoilers: all seasons…

Disclaimer: not mine.

Musical Drabble Instructions  
1. Pick a character, pairing, or fandom you like.  
2. Turn on your music player and put it on random/shuffle.  
3. Write a drabble related to each song that plays. You only have the time frame of the song to finish the drabble; you start when the song starts, and stop when it's over. No lingering afterwards!  
4. Do ten of these, then post them.

_"There is this thing that's keeping everyone's lungs and lips locked, it is called fear and its singing a Great Renaissance…"- Sing-The Dresden Dolls_

* * *

_**The Remedy**- Jason Mraz_

Although there are many differences between Dean and Sam there is one major one; Dean has always been carefree while Sam has always been a worrier. Bobby has always thought it odd considering the fact that Dean is older and has always had more responsibility.

He once asked Dean about it, shortly after Sam died (and came back), and Dean had shrugged. Bobby turned his gaze back to the yard before him, figuring that the conversation was over. Tilting his beer back into his mouth Dean took a moment to think about it before turning to Bobby with that mischievous and careless grin.

"What's the point in shittin' a brick about the small stuff, like Sammy? We're hunters. There are better things to think about then that. We're all gonna die someday Bobby… for me that time is coming soon. I ain't got much time left, so I'm gonna live my life how I want, how I always have. So fuck the consequences; I won't worry my life away." Dean finished his beer and gestured towards Bobby's almost empty bottle. "You want another one?" Bobby nodded silently and Dean sauntered into the kitchen.

_**Where'd You Go**- Fort Minor_

The first few weeks without Sam were hard. Dean and John hardly spoke, and when they did it were short, terse sentences. Dean and John separate more often now; John finally admitting that at twenty-two Dean was old enough to go out on his own.

"I suppose with Sammy gone and out of high school we can move around some more… maybe you can go out more on your own. I'm giving you the Impala… I think you really deserve it Dean." The unspoken words were "You deserve it because you stayed…"

Dean never told John this, but he loathed him sometimes for doing this to Sammy and himself. He never told Sam this, but he hated him in the deepest, darkest place of him mind for abandoning him, for disregarding him, for leaving him.

There were times that he thought about calling Sammy. He thought about checking up on him. On Dean's birthday and on the anniversary of Mary's death and even on John's birthday Dean waiting patiently for Sam to call. He cleared his schedule, refused to hunt on that day and just waited. The call never came and Dean grew bitter.

_**Dracula**- Gorillaz_

When Dad admits that vampires do exist Dean is a little bit incredulous, he can't help but the think idea seems too ridiculous but so true at the same time. After all werewolves existed so why not vampires? Still he can't help but wonder what they're like. Logically he knows that they have to be like normal people, can't exactly exist in the world today without some sort of identification and with all the alcohol and drugs around they probably congregate in clubs and bars for easy pickings. They are probably alluring to attract people easily. He doesn't particularly like the thought that they can blend in. Really though he would prefer the idea of a Dracula running around.

He really could see it though. Some pale-faced jerk-off with slicked back, receding hair that sleeps in a coffin. He can't help it… the image is too funny. He snickers… then chuckles, trying to stifle it.

"Dean, I'm being serious." Dad says. Sam gets a look on his face and Dean knows that he'll probably say something to piss off Dad.

"So Dad… do they wear capes and say, _'I vant to suck yer blaad!'_" Sam jokes. And that's when he loses it. He's howling with tears streaming down his face. Dad does not look amused.

_**Bittersweet Symphony**- The Verve_

Dean tries to live his life how he sees fit while still maintaining Dad's code. He parties it up, has sex, eats what he wants, but when it comes down to it he will always be the obedient son. He knows how people see him. Some see him as the party-boy who is going nowhere fast. The brawn to Sam's brains. He knows that some hunters see him like that, but they know better. Others, like Sam, see him as the ever-obedient son. He always does what Dad says, no matter what, no matter how much he wants to protest. Even though Dad is long dead, he still tries to live up to the expectations of a ghost. He wishes he could change, but he knows he's too far gone for that.

But maybe he has changed, the deal has been brokered and he's dying. He tries to become more carefree, and for a while it works but in the end he knows what he has to do. He knows his job. So he saves people, hunts things, the way Dad taught him. It wears down on him so much, and it turns his stomach when he thinks about the way he acted after Dad died.

He's sick of hunting; death will be a relief, even if he is going to Hell. He sees Sam changing, and he hates it. He knows Ruby is only trying to prepare him for what he'll eventually have to do, for what he'll become but he can see the darkness it's bringing to him. So goddamnit, while he still walks this earth Sam is not going to become a cold-blooded killer. Sam won't become him.

He only has a day left, and it twists him up inside to think about it. But it's far too late to save him. For the first time in his life that he remembers he goes to church. He's pretty sure he's not Catholic but it's the first church he sees. He lights a candle for Dad's soul, and Mom's. Then he lights a candle for Sammy and prays.

"God… I've never prayed but tonight I'm on my knees… I need to hear some signs that recognize the pain in me…"

_**That Time**- Regina Spektor_

He only has a few weeks left and he's drunk so he calls Cassie.

"Hello?"

"Hey."

"Dean?"

"Ye-ees?" he's pretty sure he slurred that but he doesn't care.

"Dean? Are you drunk?"

"Maybe."

"It's three in the morning… why the hell are you calling me?"

"I'm dying." He blurts it out and there's an awkward silence.

"Cancer?" she guesses after a few more seconds pass.

"No. Uhm… I sold my soul to save Sam's life… or more like resurrect him. Hey remember that time we decided to kiss anywhere else except for the mouth?" There's more silence and he realized what a mistake it was to call her.

"Yeah… I do. I'm sorry." She blurts out.

"For what?"

"I'm getting married."

"Oh. Freaky." He hangs up and heads back to the bar.

_**Lying is The Most Fun a Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off**- Panic! At the Disco_

It's been awhile since Dean has had sex and Cassie is there, and god he missed her. He knows that she has to have a boyfriend because she had to have moved on by now. He knows that he doesn't love her, and she doesn't love him but they've always been good at sex together. So he kisses her, or maybe she kissed him, in the end it doesn't really matter. And then they're fumbling with zippers and buttons and trying to keep touching while trying to shed their clothing.

He knows that she has a boyfriend just by the way she guiltily averts her eyes from his. It's in the way she hesitates when she slides off her pants because her hands are shaking badly but he can't seem to care.

Their mouths connect and he loses his train of thought. All he can think about it getting naked and getting some. He tries hard not to think about her hapless boyfriend but that's all he can think about now. He pushes the thought from his mind and tugs off his pants. He hopes that this is well worth their guilt. Cassie opens her mouth to protest as he unhooks her bra and he turns his eyes to her.

"Whoever he is… I've got more wit, a better kiss, a hotter touch, a better fuck then any boy you'll ever meet, sweetie you have me… you know it will always just be me."

_**Welcome to The Black Parade**- My Chemical Romance_

Dean remembers when he was younger, before Momma died. Dad had taken him and Momma to a parade in Lawrence. They had watched the parade with enthusiasm. Sammy had just been born on scant weeks before so he hadn't enjoyed it but Dean was sure then that if Sammy had been able to he would have.

Now though Dean hadn't been to a parade in years. He didn't think about them often, it wasn't like he wanted to waste time like that. He had better things to do… like be the savior of the broken, the beaten, and the damned. He had to defeat his demons and all the non-believers. John had left them, leaving only his journal to lead them through their journeys.

Sometimes he wondered if it was all worth it. He felt like he needed to this, for Momma, for Dad, and for Sam. He knew that Sam was cynical in believing that they could do it without Dad, but he knew they could. He knew they could because he knew without actually knowing (and still kind of being cynical about religion) that Momma was watching over them, and now Dad was too. He would carry on and do this for them, no matter how tired he was he would do this; they could never take his heart from him. But in the end, he was just a man and not a hero.

_**Sharpest Lives**- My Chemical Romance_

Lately he's feeling like he's corroding on the inside. He's become so different from the man he was before all of this happened. The YED, Dad's death, Sammy's death, and selling his soul have changed him. He can't figure out if it's for better or worse. Dean knows that it's probably for the worse because he's really been on a bender and it shows. He drinks so he can forget, but instead he just remembers. He's been surrendering himself to women lately, one kiss and he's gone. He just wants the pain to go away. He just wants to shed his skin, like the Shifter, and just get away from all of this, but he can't and it's killing him inside.

Dean realizes that the sharpest lives are the deadliest to lead.

_**Vera**- Pink Floyd_

Dean once knew a girl named Vera. She was his first crush, first kiss, first love, and the first time he had sex. Weeks after they had started going out Dad told them they needed to move. Vera had told him that they would meet again on some sunny day. Often he thought about her and wondered what had become of her. He wondered if anyone felt the way he did about his or her first love. He hoped they did, and he hoped that she still thought of him like he did of her.

_**Rebellion (Lies)-** The Arcade Fire_

Sometimes Dean feels guilty about his sexual conquests, some of the girls he's taken had been innocent, naïve, virgins up until he came along. He remembers a particular girl, Evelyn, once upon a time ago. She had protested a lot and Dean kept charming her. He had been stupid back then, and now he knew that his sin was Lust.

"Come on baby, in our Dreams, we could live our misbehavior…" he had whispered. "It's not like what they say is true."

"What do they say?" she had whispered back, they were in the Impala and the windows were fogged up.

"Some say that you'll die, faster than without water…" And that's what sealed the deal. He was a careless bad boy, and she had been a naïve good girl. She chased him because he was something different and she wanted to rebel against her father. And he had caved when she had pressed her lips against his collarbone.

He remembers the time that they had been in her bed and her father hadn't been home. They had just finished when they heard the garage open.

"Dean! Hide under the covers!" she had hissed. And that was the last time they had sex. Coincidentally it was the last time he had seen her.

* * *

A/N: well that was my little attempt at drabbles… I admit that I can get a little long-winded at times so it was difficult to work in the time a song allows. I may have cheated a bit when it came to song choice because I have a lot of music that I just don't listen to, or that just wouldn't suit Dean (Pink and the Dresden Dolls), or songs in another language or instrumentals. Or songs that I absolutely hate but am too lazy to take off… or comedians… yeah… I'm fairly diverse when it comes to music… Anyway! Tell me what you think and maybe I'll do another one.


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